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Experiences
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And I feel you going under
Into the depths of inner space
Where your universe
Becomes the same as mine,
The same that we share
With every consciousness
In and out of this world.
We could meet there.
Sometimes we do but today
We explore on our own,
Yet are aware, marginally or,
If we choose to fully, of each other.
I sense the darkness
And the jagged edges you navigate
To find your treasures.
Then I turn inward
And steer my soul body
Deep into the dark sea
That is my being.
Out of this darkness comes a sound.
Or does the darkness become sound?
A sound? No, not one
But all the sounds
That have ever been uttered,
That will ever be uttered,
That are resounding
Through the world right now.
Each of them clearly to hear
All of them sounding together
In a mighty wave
Sweeping me up,
Surrounding and permeating,
And being all that is there.
And the sounds are sparkling
As if every single note was
A tiny explosion of joy.
I am sound, become
A being made of sound and light and fullness,
And the universe dances
Within me as I dance with
The universe – for aeons.
Full
of bliss I return to you.
Behold him in his glorious joy:
Obsidian coils glistening against
The darkness of the Void
Where he frolics.
His mighty sinewy trunk
Weaves being
On the loom
Of time.
Behold him in his cunning
When he draws his black body erect,
His lush velvet shadow
Languidly caressing your spine.
His eyes like dark and distant flames
Scorch what he sees
With a cold fire.
Behold him in his golden splendour
When he has shed his old skin
And become wise.
When he towers over you now
The fire in his eyes
Illuminates what is
With wry, loving
Amusement.
You start meditating,
Entering your bliss body
With eyes almost closed
Your face enraptured.
I move into my bliss body
And begin to resonate with you.
Ahhh, shivers of pleasure
Flow through my body
As the tones of your being
Reverberate through me and
The instrument that is my soul
Resounds in harmony.
You respond with a sensuous smile
And the serpent begins
To uncoil her body.
At first my touch is tentative
Yet it reveals every time
A different face of yours, then
A different body is emerging.
In front of my eyes.
Shiva has entered you
And through your eyes
He addresses me
As his Goddess
With reverence and love.
And our souls dance
Gently caressing each other at first
Touching here and there
Fluid and flowing around each other.
Then faster yet without urgency.
Weaving a joyful pattern of love.
And the Goddess rejoices
In her sensuous bliss
As Shiva’s body writhes with pleasure
His gaze enchanting,
His soul taking me
Higher and higher
My soul responding
Gasping, swooning
My bliss body merging with his
In a sea of sound and darkness,
Swirling heat that burns
Into my heart and heals it.
You have taken me, Shiva,
Taken me in my fullness
Saying yes to all of me,
Your soul singing our love.
And every pore of my body breathes
Your light, my light and the divine light
In which we both have our abode.
Overflowing with bliss
I cry out and laugh with joy
And you join in the laughter
And for a moment we are
Human again.
You move your chair
To sit in front of me -
Your knees touch mine,
Your eyes burning with intent.
I feel you entering me,
A different force now than before.
Warm waves of voluptuous fullness
Well up from my womb.
Your power deftly explores
Where it needs to go
Yet subtle, without agenda,
Following what it finds
Yet knowing what it wants to achieve.
We move closer together.
Our faces almost touching
We breath in the fragrance of each others soul
Savouring the delicate sweetness
Emanating in thousand tones
From the joy of our union.
And my soul finds in you
The places that need healing
And I breathe over you
What I took from your soul breath
After savouring it,
Wedding it to mine,
Transforming it through knowing
Into medicine
That heals us both.
And the fragrance of our souls
We give back to each other
As nectar. Our eyes
Are full of it and overflowing.
Our soul bodies take a backward step
To behold each other in this new found bliss.
Yet I feel Kula hot within me,
Dark light in the darkness of my womb.
And then I see the movements of your hands.
Hands that grow out of, overlay
Your fleshly ones,
And visible for me as they.
Hands that move and shape
A poem of Mudras.
One after the other
Like something you’ve learnt by heart
And practiced for lifetimes,
Fluid, fast, speaking without hesitation.
You move closer again,
Your exploring gets more urgent,
Mounting pleasure opens every cell
Ready to take in what ever
You give.
And what a gift it is
That takes me by surprise:
You speak to me.
The coils of your intent.
Teach me what you do
And how you do it
As you probe and move and give and take.
I am enraptured
Can there be something so much more
Powerful and deep,
Exciting and exhilarating
Than the exquisite bliss that
made me swoon before?
Yes! And I feel you moving in me,
Being moved by what you are moving
To go further, and higher, and deeper
Seeking the boundary
But there is none.
Dark red hot waves pulse through me,
Bhairava rises in me hot and hard,
Throwing me, carrying me
Illuminated by the dark radiant light
Of the Kula within my womb
He is splendid.
And I am one with him,
One with the waves,
I am the waves
Smashing against no shore,
I am the sea, the world,
The Goddess, I AM.
You teach me the wisdom
Of my soul body
As you know it,
Its width and breadth,
Its unfathomable depth and
Its heights that would make me dizzy
Did I not recognize them as myself.
You teach me the language of TANTRA
And I understand every word.
My responses come halting first
Repeating what I learned.
Then tentatively forming words
Addressing you.
My active vocabulary still small, yet
Our two voices sing
A powerful song that
Fills the space around us
In which we dance,
Teach, learn, cleave to each other, love and heal.
Enough, learning a new language takes time.
I am full, I need to savour now,
Digest what I have taken in,
Take a step back
And see the gift before me.
I need to study your tantric words
Which are reverberating in my soul
And bring them
Into my flesh body, into my bones,
To make them mine.
I need to explore the new space
You have opened and filled.
I am no longer
Who I was before.
I bow before you, beloved teacher
Who gives selflessly.
But you are also
No longer who you were.
I see it in your eyes
As they look at me
With love and joy and pride and some surprise.
I smile at you, Beloved,
knowing we have renewed
Our vows.
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No-thing, AKULA, living void,
What powers you've got!
Within you
Everything
Is possible,
Everything
Comes into being
Through you.
When I beheld Akula
There was nothing to see
And yet
I felt drawn
To melt my body
And become
One with the void.
Strange no-thing
Oh, so subtle your drift
So intangible your presence
Yet unmistakable
Now that I have learnt
To smell your scent
On my skin,
To feel your touch
Shaping the space around me.
Filled with a sweetness
Delicious like the nectar of the gods
I came back to myself.
Changed I returned
Into a changed body.
Now the sweetness,
Lingering on,
Tells me of you
The moment I stop to remember.
The gifts of Akula
Are precious
Beyond
measure.
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Come, my Beloved,
Let your light shine
So that I can open
The gate to the garden.
By the hand I will take thee
And lead you
To the well
Of the Goddess.
Drink deeply from the source
Of her power.
Partake of her shakti
Until you are sated.
Then
With a silent prayer
Bow
To her grace and bounty.
From the deepest depth
I called the dark Devi
Wanting her to rise
To feel her power
In my fleshly vessel.
Huge was my head
And my neck was swelling.
Would she burst my veins?
The body fought her
Trying to keep her imprisoned
And in her anger
She strained and shook
Yet the body did not yield.
Rigid all limbs and the back,
Like a wooden board
The belly –
Such pain, such trembling.
Yet I did not stop inviting.
Knowing that I was safely held
In the embrace of Shiva
I let her into my eyes.
That’s when the dance began
Of Shiva and the Dark Devi.
And did not end
Before she was spent
And yielding,
My limbs languid.
So subtle is DURGA
That she is like a breeze
A warm springtime wind
Bringing sweet scent of souls.
Swaying in the draught
And yearning for her sweet nectar
Durga is the nectar and the draught
In quiet ecstasy.
We are durga.
Durgaye nama om.
Yet someone stronger comes,
No wind but
A space that holds all winds
In its expanse
Wide enough
To embrace the universe.
Who is she,
This Goddess
That holds your soul in her embrace
As if it was a child,
Your soul that worships her.
Blessing the worshipper
She draws into herself
Where she is Durga and Shiva,
Where Shakti is asleep,
No Spanda
Just repose and stillness.
Everything is possible
Nothing is manifest.
There is only
Mahadevi.
The sea of forgetting opens and closes
Revealing glimpses of what has been -
Fleetingly, with no order.
Deepening space, down, down
Your hands and mine pointing,
Creating until we are both
Fathomless and enclosed
in fathomlessness, and
In the depth our chests are drawn
Close to one another
Scent ascends
Heat, oh such heat,
Shoots up my back.
And then sound –
There it is again,
The music of the universe
Within and around me.
Bliss.
And back into the depth
Where wordless knowing
Resides and shines through your eyes
And silence whispers.
Tamas
Go down into darkness,
Let darkness fill me,
Let me become, not darkness
But black.
Legs like black coal,
The whole body like black coal.
Inside, the coal liquidises
And fills me with fluid
Shimmering black
Up to my neck
Then into my head.
How can I let this black
Show in my eyes?
Give a black look!
That's hard.
There is no hate,
No emotion,
Just blackness.
All black apart from my look.
But then I manage.
Rajas
Breathe red into myself
And breathe out red.
With every breath
Red rises, I imagine.
Heat, fire, vitality.
A bull seeing red.
But all is more imagination
Than resonance
With your awareness colour.
Yet my body trembles.
Sattva
White light pours into me,
Milk-white light fills me
And courses through my flesh.
White covers me like a garment
Brilliant white, than golden white
And sweetness enraptures me,
Living light, joyful and radiant.
Nirguna
Space between the atoms of my body,
Space between the atoms of everything,
Clear, transparent space
Within, without, everywhere
There is nothing but
Clear transparent space,
All-pervading, all-embracing, full.
How can a clear transparent space be full?
Not with anything, just empty and
Full at the same timeless time.
Complete!
There is nothing but space
Complete and fulfilled
Everything accomplished
Everything in becoming
At the same timeless time.
And the clear, transparent,
Full and empty space is also
The bodiless awareness
Of your and my body.
Spacious Awareness
Merged together as one.
No one but You,
My Lord, you are everything,
There is nothing that is not Shiva.
My Lord of the Living Light.
Glorious to behold is
the Go(l)d-Man.
His golden radiance - a beauty unsurpassed.
Go(l)d-Man is Man
Sporting the image
Of nature fulfilled:
Fulfilled the beingness as being,
This
Being.
The seer's soul fills with delight
As radiance reaches down to its depth -
And love spreads into the body's every cell,
And deepest joy
Mingles
With deep humility.
Lord, Thou art merciful.
Until you've cut out with your trident
The very last son of Asura
Spawned in my anxious mind.
Your mercy is to cauterize the wound with
Fire of your fearsome eye
That makes me forget the pain.
Your mercy is not to relent
Despite my screams and theirs
Until at last I'm free
To say 'I am'
And know its truth.
Bhairava,
My beloved Lord,
Thou art terrifying
And
Awesome.
After surrendering to you
And taking your body into mine
Until
I no longer know
Whose body is touching whose
The silver serpent glides right
Through us
And reaches our heart.
This is where you now rest,
My Lord of fire and darkness.
©Karin Heinitz 2006